oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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