Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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