I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
