Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
