Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
