Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just cropdusted the office
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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