No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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