Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
