Please, let me fuck your mom
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
