So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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