is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
