There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
