I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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