that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize