Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
