No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
