Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
