Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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