my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
