Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
