So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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