we have pet lesbian snakes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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