allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
