my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
