apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Houston, we have a squirter
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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