I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
