hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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