Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
