Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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