my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
