so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.