On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.