i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize