As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
