i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
