Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize