After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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