it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
