I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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