dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
