smell my finger.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
