Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
