farters have to be the big spoon...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
