i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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