i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
