I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
