I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
