Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
