You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
