i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
