i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
