the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
