So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
