Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
