remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
