u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
