His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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