i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
