Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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