Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
