i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
