Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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