Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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