I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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