I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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