Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
