he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
