You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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