whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
