is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
