I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
