no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
