Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
