i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
